Celebrate?

What do I celebrate? How do I celebrate? What relevance does a Woman's Day hold for me? What began a century ago as a day to press for woman's rights has evolved into a day of celebrating womanhood and their achievements.

The whole concept of celebrating womanhood glorifies woman. Womanhood is a perception (just like many other things, yeah :)) - a woman is generally considered to be soft, selfless, ah all those words which describe a paragon of virtue. Why doesn't anybody talk about post-natal depression when they are roaring about the love and reactions of a mother? The day only re-confirms what the society has always tried to do - the shackles I've been trying to break from - the stereotypes associated with a woman - the unrelenting pressure of making us conform to how an ideal woman should be.

I am not contesting the intention behind the day, i.e., debating woman rights' issues is a damn good thing. At the same time I think many of us are more aware of the movie being screened on the local television as a part of the celebrations rather than the issue at hand for the year. I am sorry but the idea behind the day just doesn't trickle down. So before you wish somebody a Happy Woman's Day just be clear about two words - "happy" and "woman".

P.S.: The issue in light for this Woman's Day is the hardship displaced women endure. Women displaced by conflicts, often living alone with their children, are frequently exposed to sexual violence, discrimination and intimidation.

Fish!

October 20, 2007

Oh yes! Thats the fateful day Nalini, in a spurt of love and affection, (Poo, I love you!) gifted me a fish tank with FOUR "gold"fish. (I wonder if she put the gold connect when she got them for me anyways).

When the fish came to the surface gasping for air, I was so frigging scared. I felt like I was almost losing my C&H collection. (HAHA! Yes, I have the original hardbound collection of three heavy books that I prop open on my legs and run my fingers over the smooth glossy paper). Big Huge Ouch! I got a filter, a thermal shit and a cool light cover for the tank.

The fish din't make it. One of them just listed, flipped, the stomach bloated and it floated the next day Dead! I buried it in the flower bed below my apartment. Stuck a tooth-pick on the grave and hummed a dirge.

The rest followed in its wake. And all the 32 fishes (I obviously din't put 32 of them in one go into the tank. It was in batches of 4-6). One by one I flushed each one of them, sans the one I buried, through the toilet seat. Despite extensive googling, expert advice from ex-fellow fish keepers, aquarists I couldn't establish what was killing my fishes. I am sure you'd beg to differ.

Now, why 32 fishes?

a) My mom wanted to get back a good ROI. She sponsored the paraphernalia which were supposed to help the fish survive.

b)Storing a fish tank made if glass is a tad more difficult than putting fishes into the tank, netting them and flushing them down the toilet seat.

There are two important things I learnt.

a. Fishes are boring. They don't even mutate after you put blue and green colored solutions into the tank.

b. NEVER FUCKING EVER GIFT YOUR FRIEND A FISH!

For all those of you who've missed my fishes

@Poo: The fishes aint lonely in fishy-hell anymore.

@Deepu: I've a strong intuition the first lot of my four fishes committed suicide rather than face social abuse because of their christened names. You christened them Laka Laka Laka.

@Monish: Don't overfeed your fishes and make them lazy and fat. Mine almost reached critical mass stage the first day you fed them. I had to starve them to get them back into shape.

@Viv: The fish wasn't as smart as you attributed it to be. It saw straight through you.

@Manish: A lonely fish in a bowl is a bad idea.

@Nisha: Fishes (male/female) didn't give you kissies. You misread the signs. They were only sucking air. Yeah humans might do that while smooching but no! my fishes weren't giving you flying kisses. NO!

@Appu: Don't ever think of Apollo fish. The threat still hangs.

@Nalini: I realise the whole idea of giving me the tank was for to me to store up memories and have something to remember you by while you were gone. But hey! you were there for the next birthday too. Lost purpose :)

@Hitesh: Pigeons or birds of any kind are bad enough. Watch Birds if you need convincing. I spotted similar signs in the pigeons who stare at me sitting on the window ledge.

P.S : Get me a Duck-Billed Platypus the next time. I ain't that bad with pets you know.

P.P.S : Is your fish voyeuring, eavesdropping or getting you know boring of sorts. My tank (aka the suicide booth)'s free. I charge 5 Rs. per fish. Death gauranteed. Nobody can ever trace it back to you because the cause is still a mystery.

Fishes are tweaky scums. Mine tried to converse with my mom. See what happened to them.

Call it intuitive. But I think I am gonna be eaten by a shark 32 degress off the coast of Miami :)

:D

"My plans are still in embryo. In case you've never been there, this is a small town on the outskirts of wishful thinking." READ Groucho Marx.

CHEERS!

I am 20! Reflecting back at the 20 years of pranks, cranky and bandy talk, idiosyncrasies (wheee) those bright faces radiating happiness and then (aaargh) those fights, heavy silences, the tears which never seemed to end, a number of faces race through my head but a few linger on.

There were people who stayed by me, returned all the smiles, consoled me through the tears, there was this happy sense of belonging, a bonding but then there was this sudden unseen barrier which drifted us apart and almost as suddenly as it sprung up it disappeared. I've often wondered why?

And then the truth dawns. Meet people, have fun, bonding follows, share stuff, have more fun, intensity increases, but somewhere down the line you start judging people...the perception of a person changes...all the warmth, the so-called love, the affection slowly ebbs away only to be replaced by a sudden indifference or maybe bitterness...We slowly drift apart, I move onto find more fun and happiness, leaving behind those once happy relationships untended..but then again I return to normal..feel all good about myself, the warmth and affection slowly comes back.Those forgotten smiles come back. These are those people whose presence moves outta my life as easily as it came in, a few maybe a little harder.

And yet another truth dawns. I realise over time I have known a couple of people who have slowly stopped to judge me..the initial attraction, the happiness we shared, those innocent impulsive acts is all they connect me with, is all that I connect them with. My mood swings, my pied tones are all accepted with a patient smile. They just radiate this everlasting calm and affection leaving me in this ambivalent emotional muddle, a mixed feeling of nostalgia and elation, an inability to express my feelings, a sudden loss of words, just this growing warmth in my heart. The tears flow yet the smile lingers. Here's to those two people who have always seen through me and only saw the good and called the bad puerility, accepted me for the person I am with this amused smile, here's to Buff and Viv, CHEERS!

DING!

DING..There goes the doorbell..I know I should be getting out the bed where I have been sleeping lost in those wild dreams of panthers - MIP lab - triangular flowers - strawberry printed pups (oh yeah!), soaking up those morning err..11.42 ish rays of the sun, warmth flooding through my body..a faint smile tugging at my lips..a paragon of bliss..DING..The blissful face contorts into an ugly menacing one..I try to open my eyes..Too heavy a weight for me..Overcome by laziness, I start slipping and sliding back into my world of dreams..My face muscles begin to relax and break into a smile..DING..With a mighty effort I heave myself out of my bed..step onto the cold marble floor and walk slowly to the door and reach for the handle..I cant reach the handle..I grope..I still cant..A knowing smile plays on my lips ..Realising that I was hallucinating it all, I turn around in my sleep and dig my head deeper into the darkness of my pillow happily ensconcing yet again in the glorious warmth of the sun..The smile still tugs on my lips..DING..Ah well, do I have to get outta bed?

The Incorrigible Shyster

On failure
The Shyster: It's ok! Checkered fortune. I know I am better than them.

A screwed paper
The Shyster: It's ok! I just coudnt get myself to work my arse off.

On quitting
The Shyster: It's ok! I aint addicted and all. I can give it up when I want to.At the moment I dont want to.

On bitching
The shyster: It's ok! I am a bitch. No qualms unlike the rest I face the truth.

Dude..It aint OK...Are we ever gonna kill the shyster in us who justifies every action of ours?
The Shyster : (BLINK) Ah well its ok...

HIC

Words are deceptive, very deceptive, especially coming from a person with a mercurial temperament, doubly so.

p.s. Note the incoherence of the title and the post