CHEERS!

I am 20! Reflecting back at the 20 years of pranks, cranky and bandy talk, idiosyncrasies (wheee) those bright faces radiating happiness and then (aaargh) those fights, heavy silences, the tears which never seemed to end, a number of faces race through my head but a few linger on.

There were people who stayed by me, returned all the smiles, consoled me through the tears, there was this happy sense of belonging, a bonding but then there was this sudden unseen barrier which drifted us apart and almost as suddenly as it sprung up it disappeared. I've often wondered why?

And then the truth dawns. Meet people, have fun, bonding follows, share stuff, have more fun, intensity increases, but somewhere down the line you start judging people...the perception of a person changes...all the warmth, the so-called love, the affection slowly ebbs away only to be replaced by a sudden indifference or maybe bitterness...We slowly drift apart, I move onto find more fun and happiness, leaving behind those once happy relationships untended..but then again I return to normal..feel all good about myself, the warmth and affection slowly comes back.Those forgotten smiles come back. These are those people whose presence moves outta my life as easily as it came in, a few maybe a little harder.

And yet another truth dawns. I realise over time I have known a couple of people who have slowly stopped to judge me..the initial attraction, the happiness we shared, those innocent impulsive acts is all they connect me with, is all that I connect them with. My mood swings, my pied tones are all accepted with a patient smile. They just radiate this everlasting calm and affection leaving me in this ambivalent emotional muddle, a mixed feeling of nostalgia and elation, an inability to express my feelings, a sudden loss of words, just this growing warmth in my heart. The tears flow yet the smile lingers. Here's to those two people who have always seen through me and only saw the good and called the bad puerility, accepted me for the person I am with this amused smile, here's to Buff and Viv, CHEERS!

DING!

DING..There goes the doorbell..I know I should be getting out the bed where I have been sleeping lost in those wild dreams of panthers - MIP lab - triangular flowers - strawberry printed pups (oh yeah!), soaking up those morning err..11.42 ish rays of the sun, warmth flooding through my body..a faint smile tugging at my lips..a paragon of bliss..DING..The blissful face contorts into an ugly menacing one..I try to open my eyes..Too heavy a weight for me..Overcome by laziness, I start slipping and sliding back into my world of dreams..My face muscles begin to relax and break into a smile..DING..With a mighty effort I heave myself out of my bed..step onto the cold marble floor and walk slowly to the door and reach for the handle..I cant reach the handle..I grope..I still cant..A knowing smile plays on my lips ..Realising that I was hallucinating it all, I turn around in my sleep and dig my head deeper into the darkness of my pillow happily ensconcing yet again in the glorious warmth of the sun..The smile still tugs on my lips..DING..Ah well, do I have to get outta bed?

The Incorrigible Shyster

On failure
The Shyster: It's ok! Checkered fortune. I know I am better than them.

A screwed paper
The Shyster: It's ok! I just coudnt get myself to work my arse off.

On quitting
The Shyster: It's ok! I aint addicted and all. I can give it up when I want to.At the moment I dont want to.

On bitching
The shyster: It's ok! I am a bitch. No qualms unlike the rest I face the truth.

Dude..It aint OK...Are we ever gonna kill the shyster in us who justifies every action of ours?
The Shyster : (BLINK) Ah well its ok...

HIC

Words are deceptive, very deceptive, especially coming from a person with a mercurial temperament, doubly so.

p.s. Note the incoherence of the title and the post