I am 20! Reflecting back at the 20 years of pranks, cranky and bandy talk, idiosyncrasies (wheee) those bright faces radiating happiness and then (aaargh) those fights, heavy silences, the tears which never seemed to end, a number of faces race through my head but a few linger on.
There were people who stayed by me, returned all the smiles, consoled me through the tears, there was this happy sense of belonging, a bonding but then there was this sudden unseen barrier which drifted us apart and almost as suddenly as it sprung up it disappeared. I've often wondered why?
And then the truth dawns. Meet people, have fun, bonding follows, share stuff, have more fun, intensity increases, but somewhere down the line you start judging people...the perception of a person changes...all the warmth, the so-called love, the affection slowly ebbs away only to be replaced by a sudden indifference or maybe bitterness...We slowly drift apart, I move onto find more fun and happiness, leaving behind those once happy relationships untended..but then again I return to normal..feel all good about myself, the warmth and affection slowly comes back.Those forgotten smiles come back. These are those people whose presence moves outta my life as easily as it came in, a few maybe a little harder.
And yet another truth dawns. I realise over time I have known a couple of people who have slowly stopped to judge me..the initial attraction, the happiness we shared, those innocent impulsive acts is all they connect me with, is all that I connect them with. My mood swings, my pied tones are all accepted with a patient smile. They just radiate this everlasting calm and affection leaving me in this ambivalent emotional muddle, a mixed feeling of nostalgia and elation, an inability to express my feelings, a sudden loss of words, just this growing warmth in my heart. The tears flow yet the smile lingers. Here's to those two people who have always seen through me and only saw the good and called the bad puerility, accepted me for the person I am with this amused smile, here's to Buff and Viv, CHEERS!